Tried and true  

student

  excuses for just about anything and humorous responses from faculty.

Student: I wasn't here on Monday. Did I miss anything important?
Teacher: Yes, the entire class.
Student: Well, can you just tell me what I missed.
Teacher: The entire class, and don't ever ask that again.

Student: I'll be in Hawaii next week so I'll miss class. Can you e-mail me the lectures, and can I make up the work when I get back?
Teacher: No, because this is not an online class and all your assignments will be late. I do not accept late assignments. You can do the work before you go.
Student: I don't have time today. I have to get waxed.

Student: I can't get up that early. Can I come in an hour later to take the exam?

Student: Both my grandparents died, then a friend hurt his arm in a climbing accident, then I wrecked my car, then my dad got sick so I had to go home. Sorry I missed three weeks of school. Can I make it up later this semester?

Student: I forgot to print the assignment. Can I e-mail it to you?
Teacher: There's a computer lab down the hall, go print it now.
Student: OK. But can you wait right here for me to bring it back? Your office is too far across campus.

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