Talk to an advisor (9 AM-9 PM EST): 866-442-6062

Talk to an advisor (9 AM-9 PM EST): 866-925-2803

My 18 years of basking in a haven of my own space -- where the mess was my mess, the company was familiar, and everything existed in Zen-like harmony -- were over. It was all turned upside-down upon the sight of my first  

college roommate

 , sitting cross-legged with two freshmen from the local community college.

My anxiety began to set in as I made my first entrance into my dorm room and 'Roommate One' slowly rose. She gave me a sideways glance and a sheepish grin, put out a dying cigarette, and extended her hand. As smoke engulfed my devoutly non-smoking parents and I, this was my first glimpse into what can be one of the toughest obstacles in the transition from high school to college: cohabitant chaos.

On campuses across the nation you will hear this and other familiar yarns of dormitory antics and woe. In lecture halls and cafeterias, students swap stories of their roomie's significant other who won't ever leave, or the midnight opera diva. Like old war veterans with grand tales of life on the battlefield, college students never tire of reminiscing about their past roommates. Unless you're one of the lucky few to pair up with your dream roomie for the duration of your college career, you too, will earn the badge of cohabitant courage.

After three years at Michigan State University, (East Lansing, MI) I've picked up some roomie remedies that can help you deal with the dorm dilemmas, I promise, will come up.

The Basics: A Peek into the Business of Roommate Pairing
This may surprise you, but housing officers can make mistakes. On a campus with 45,000 students, it's not difficult to see how I was paired up with a smoker -- despite my request for a non-smoking roommate.

"It happens more than we would like," says Angela Brown, MSU's director of housing. "There are many times when the information isn't correct."

According to Brown, most university housing contracts limit individual requests to a minimum so that housing officers can accommodate a large number of applicants. Typical questions include smoking and alcohol preferences, with choices available for "quiet" floors and honors floors. Students are also given the option of being paired up with a friend. By law, people cannot be paired up on the basis of race, ethnicity, or creed.

Brown says that students should be honest when filling out these contracts to avoid confusion and paperwork later. She adds that written requests for specific dorms are sometimes considered.

The Scoop on Living with a Stranger
When you get past the usual pleasantries that are shared between strangers, living with someone with whom you have no history can be downright difficult... or a wonderful surprise.

"When I first got here, the biggest problem that I had was just bringing up issues," says MSU junior John-Raul Buison of his first roommate. "It was a new experience. We went over stuff like girls, alcohol, study, and sleep time."

John-Raul, who is now training to be a resident assistant, says that although major issues should be confronted in the beginning, it is key to communicate about problems as they arise. "If something doesn't seem right, ask about it," he says. Many issues will come up in the course of a roommate relationship. What's important is to find out how each of you feels to avoid hurt feelings in the future.

Avoid Roomie Rants
Important points to consider from the get-go:

1. Are you a night owl? Is your roommate an early riser? What is the best way to work around each other's schedules, and respect sleeping and studying habits?

2. Which things are OK with sharing? Which are off-limits? Are you going to be miffed if you really need your Otis Redding Anthology and it's nowhere to be found?

3. Honestly, what are your thoughts about overnight guests? I had a friend who ended up with an additional roommate her freshman year because her roommate's boyfriend decided to move in. As you can imagine, an unwanted permanent guest could pose problems.

4. Is your roommate a neat freak or organizationally challenged? How are chores like taking out the garbage, vacuuming, and bathroom cleaning to be divided? No matter how trivial you think something is, if you don't air it out with your roommate, you're going to be storming out of your room one day because of hair in the drain, I assure you.

5. Does your roommate like to party excessively? Will this be a problem? Don't wait to decide until after your very inebriated roommate vomits in your toiletry bucket (in the tradition of Roommate One).

Discuss these issues in a non-threatening manner. Be relaxed, and make sure to spend as much time listening as you do talking. Every roommate has the right to live in a safe and comfortable environment, where they are respected. Be as honest as you can from the very beginning to avoid future surprises.

"It's amazing how little things become the biggest problems in the long run," says Brown. She adds that one big advantage to living with a person you don't know is that "you don't have any preconceived ideas about each other." Use this to your advantage. You will inevitably have differences, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Learn to compromise.

When Disaster Strikes
Although a variety of problems will surface throughout the cohabitant relationship, there are a few issues that are irreconcilable and require one roommate to seek another place to live. "Roommate conflicts are a big problem," says Brown, adding that the majority of them tend to arise out of personality differences.

Brown says that any situation that jeopardizes a roommate's health or safety, like stalking, requires the immediate assistance of the housing office to make a change. For less serious situations, she advises that students first try to work things out. "Before you start moving all over the place, stay put," she says.

Talk to your RA, who will try to mediate your conflict. Also try to keep the problem between you and your roommate, instead of blabbing to friends or hall mates who can make communication more difficult, says Brown. If these steps don't work and you feel you've given it your best shot, contact the housing office to make a move.

"There are some situations where no amount of mediation will help," says Brown. Interestingly, she notes that this is most often the case with people who select their own roommates. "It's one thing to know a person; it's another thing to live with them," she says.

Finding Roommate Bliss
As with any major life change, there are bound to be obstacles to work through when you get to college. Learning to live with someone else peacefully is a great sign of patience and maturity.

Sound Off! Post Your Comments