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I've mimicked the work of an admission officer, and all I can say is, I'm scared. After perusing some old CollegeBound Network scholarship essays, I soon realized that all you've heard about essay readers being bored out of their skulls is true. Well, maybe not entirely.

I decided to test my rookie theories (disguised as yummy fast food) against tried-and-true admission officers', and I'm ready to give you the lowdown. This way, when your essay is ready for pickup, it won't get the "yucky" stamp of disapproval.

Lose the Cheese
I'm not a cheeseburger fan. Love the cheese, love the burger, hate the combination. So do admission officers.

"We don't like to read oversimplifications of world problems," assures Sally Rubenstone, former longtime admission counselor at Smith College (Northampton, MA) and senior editor at CollegeConfidential.com. Writing like you're a Miss America contestant, convinced that "people are people everywhere" and "we should all just get along" will not win the battle for world peace. It won't get you into college, either.

Lose the cheesy platitudes, and bring your essay down to earth. Every breath you take is not life-changing, so don't pretend it is.

Resist the Urge to Supersize
I never supersize my meals, because I simply cannot drink that much soda in one sitting. That concept will take you far in the essay drive-through window. "Schools are looking to cut out hundreds or thousands of applicants," emphasizes James Puleo, assistant director of admission at The King's College (New York, NY). If you don't follow directions like the specified word count, you make it easier for them to throw you away.

Yet there is some leeway, reveals Rubenstone: The key is in the directions. "Learn to discern between instructions that are specific, like sticking to a single page, and others that are suggestions. If they insist on it, abide by it."

Don't Forget the Special Sauce
Where would a burger be without the special sauce (what is that stuff?), and where would your essay be without a little extra flavor? If you don't want your words to taste (ahem -- sound) like all the rest, get specific, and do it with flair. Believe me, personal examples make your essay standout.

"Be passionate about what you write," entreats Joyce Cendroski, associate director of admission at Baldwin-Wallace College (Berea, OH). Puleo echoes that charge. "Conveying passion and creativity makes the essay stand out."

But, steer clear of what Rubenstone dubs the "Jerry Springer-ization" of college essays, in which students candidly reveal their family problems. "That's better done in a supplemental essay or a letter than in the main essay," she advises. Use your principal essay to highlight your achievements, not your issues.

Don't Get Sloppy
I've been there. You're chowing down on your burger deluxe, and the ketchup and pickles start oozing their way over your fingers and onto your sleeve. While this may be a typical fast-food outing for you, your essay cannot reflect such sloppy manners.

"Kids still tear out their essays from a spiral notebook," laments Cendroski. "It's a little discouraging, given what technology is." Honestly, a broken printer is no excuse. Go to the library, senioritis sufferer. OK, there is some grace, but remember that everything you write is taken into account. "An essay is never taken out of the running because of an error here or there, but on a subconscious level, it may prejudice the reader against the application," admits Rubenstone.

Attack Those Fries
You know how if you eat your whole burger and then hit the fries, they've already gotten a little cold, and maybe even soggy? The same principle applies to your essay -- so don't wait around to get to the good stuff.

"Open with a bang," urges Rubenstone. "Predispose an admission officer to liking what she's about to read."

Because as Puleo points out, "It's a bad sign if an admission officer is forcing himself to read your essay."

Stick With the #1
I'm a creature of habit, I admit. When I go out for fast food, no matter where, I always opt for the #1 with a Coke. Why? It's familiar -- I know what I'm getting, and I know it well.

In the same way, stay close to home with your essay and write what you know. We've all heard the stories about the best essays being written about a night at the family dinner table. Funny thing is, those stories are true.

Plus, the opposite can be dangerous. "I've seen students get lost trying to go for an idea that's really complex," warns Puleo. So if you're a #1 girl like me, don't take this opportunity to go for the #7 -- the hot and spicy BBQ chicken. Try that after you've been accepted.


Robyn Tellefsen is a frequent contributor to The CollegeBound Network. Learn more about finding a school that's right for you.

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