on National Colleges, College Admissions, and College Life
Sweethearts From High School to College
by Ysolt Usigan
Consider this before your next kiss: when it comes to high school sweethearts pursuing long-distance relationships during college, there are more failures than successes, says Dr. Larina Kase, a psychologist who's helped dozens of teens overcome heartbreak and improve their dating outlook.
But long-distance couples aren't all doomed. See how these two couples fared on their long-distance ventures.
Failure as a Milestone
Though a breakup is usually synonymous with failure, for Sarah and Matt, who met during their sophomore year in high school, it was a triumph. Sarah describes the relationship as too good to be true -- young love at its finest. "We were best friends and we shared everything -- a group of friends, even lockers," she says. "We practically grew up together, and we went through everything together."
High school was bliss for the two teens. But their relationship took a rocky turn when it came time for college.
"We both agreed we wouldn't stand in each other's way," Matt explains. "I knew it was important for Sarah to go to school out of state." Matt, on the other hand, attended a local community college.
Once Sarah was at the University of Pennsylvania (Philadelphia, PA), however, things began to change. Fights and arguments arose out of trust issues, Stress, and minor differences of opinion. Though Sarah came home every month to visit, the relationship remained a struggle all four years.
When Sarah graduated, they thought their worries were over and their relationship would return to normal.
They were mistaken. After multiple breakups followed by reconciliations, they eventually decided to part ways for good. "It was a really hard decision. I wanted to keep trying, and so did Matt," Sarah explains. "But we were both so drained from all the fighting and attempts at solving our problems."
Once the two realized there was nothing they could do, they quit -- but on good terms. They've come to the conclusion that they're no longer "Matt and Sarah from high school." They're adults with their own lives, personalities, and goals.
Success in Progress
Moving forward in their relationship, end-of-high-school sweethearts Chris and Bernice also knew the complications that go hand in hand with long-distance romance. The two started dating at the very end of their senior year, and continued to see each other throughout the summer that followed. "That time before college was really fun and exciting because it was all so new," Bernice says.
But there was a snag in their budding romance: they had already made their college decisions prior to getting serious, and would be moving 10 hours apart come September.
While Chris attended James Madison University (JMU, Harrisonburg, VA) and Bernice went to Boston University (Boston, MA), they continued on the long-distance path. "I missed Bernice and everything about home," Chris explains. After his first semester at JMU, he transferred to Rutgers University (New Brunswick, NJ), bringing him five hours closer to Bernice.
Still, they encountered some relationship hurdles. The two broke up a couple of times -- once his choice, once hers. They explain it as times in which each of them needed to "sort things out." But minds were changed, and the breakups were only temporary.
Postgraduation, the two were back together. "It was so great because it was the realization of it all being over -- the distance, the uncertainty, everything," Chris says. "We were [finally] going to be together. It felt as though we had accomplished a great feat."
The two have since moved in together. Though plans aren't set in stone, they know marriage is definitely in their future. When asked if they have any regrets, they both say no.
"We both got to grow independent of each other," Chris emphasizes. "And the best part of it is that when we finally did get to see each other, we still had a connection, despite all that independence."
Advice for Couples
Should you give up on love, or try to make it work? It's a tough decision that needs careful consideration. These couples eventually made choices that led to the best outcomes, whether it was staying together or going their separate ways. Sarah and Matt didn't stay together, but now can find what they're looking for. As for Chris and Bernice, they stayed together, but it required hard work.
Kase asserts that if there are already other relationship challenges aside from distance (frequent disagreements, communication problems, conflicts over important values), the distance is only likely to increase these complications.
Her ultimate advice: if you're considering long-distance love, ask yourself questions like how often do you want to see each other and how often are you able, how do you feel about each other, and how will you handle jealousy.
If you're stumped by the decision to stay with or leave your high school sweetheart while you attend separate colleges, recognize the possible outcomes. Do you have what it takes to make it work?
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