It is easier to live with friends than it is to live with strangers. At least this is what Megan McShane thought before she walked through the door of her small, but quaint, townhouse that she shares with two close friends. But as she crossed the threshold into her tan and red living room, her philosophy walked right back out.

Sara's dirty, fish-smelling dishes were still piled up in the sink and Amy's snoring, almost live-in boyfriend, loudly napped on the couch. "It is hard to live with roommates," says McShane. "But sometimes it is even harder if those roommates are your friends."

Like McShane you might think living with a friend while at college is the safe choice. You might assume that living with a friend takes less work than living with a stranger. But in reality, it takes more: more care, more consideration, and more effort. After all, roommates come and go, but friends are supposed to be forever. Here are some tips that will help you learn how to live with a friend and ensure that your friendship survives.

Establish Rules
The best thing freshman Ellen Wagner did when she moved in with her friend Brittany was discuss the rules for their new home. "It's important to outline expectations and make some rules from the beginning," says Wagner. "You might be able to read your friend's mind when it comes to dating or food preferences, but you might not figure out when your mess is starting to annoy her. Even if you have been friends for years, it is important to talk about the basics."

Make sure to discuss potential areas of conflict, yet remain open for compromise. If it is necessary, make a list of a few ground rules. Some of the topics that were helpful for Wagner included how to clean, when to have company, and who should pay the phone bill. Make sure that each person is heard, and that the expectations and responsibilities are clear. You may not prevent problems from arising, but you'll certainly make them easier to resolve later.

Communicate With Each Other
It is inevitable that you will have difficulties with your roommates - you all have different ways of doing things and different priorities. Handling those difficulties in a functional way is difficult.

"In many conflictive situations, people are not trying to understand each other," says John Pace, manager for the Brigham Young University Center for Conflict Resolution. "Often their communications just shoot past one another and prohibit each from understanding the other's point of view. Each person is more concerned about being right than what is [actually] right."

Pace points out that the key to any successful friendship is openness, honesty, and constant communication. It isn't easy to talk about what is bothering you when you are worried about hurting your friend's feelings. However, it is important to be upfront with your friends if you are going to live together. And remember, it is just as hard for your roommate to tell you what she feels as it is for you to tell her how you feel.

Monthly Meetings
Set aside one night a month to meet together as roommates to go over household business. Talk about what's going on in your lives; discuss ways to improve situations or change bad habits while taking the time to enjoy each other's company.

"When I live with friends in college, our apartment meetings are a great way to talk about what is bothering us in a friendly, constructive, non-criticizing environment," says Caroline Werner, who has been living with her best friends for three years. "[The meetings] are an opportunity to see what we were concerned about and an opportunity to understand each other."

During the meeting, feel free to discuss what you feel is important without the fear of someone taking it the wrong way. You all came to the meeting for the same purpose - to help construct a better home.

Decorate Together
It is never easy to share your living space with another person, especially in apartment-style housing where you have limited living space. Roommates each come with their own unique style and ways of displaying their interests. When moving in with a friend, it might be easy for them to assume that you will like their stuff. You might find the fuzzy pink lampshade your friend adores a tad bit tacky. But there are ways to make shared space feel like it belongs to everyone.

One great idea is to decorate the apartment together. Set aside an afternoon to go shopping as roommates for attractive, inexpensive things to decorate your home. "We had so much fun shopping for our apartment together," says Kira Jeppson, a psychology major living with friends. "Everyone had great ideas and everyone got to put a piece of themselves into the apartment. It created unity and turned our house into a home."

Make sure to stay within a budget and allow everyone the chance to contribute. Then take your purchases home, put on some good music, and create a look for your apartment together. Be respectful and understanding. The best way to avoid hurting the friendship is to be the friend you want to have. Recognize that some people are neater, louder, more private, or more possessive than others. Even though you and your roommate may share common characteristics, don't expect her to mirror your own personality. Variety is a good thing; it just takes a little work to live with.

"Being respectful and understanding will help in just about any difficult situation," says McShane. "There will be a day when you are in a bad mood and they are in a bad mood. Just remember that tomorrow will be better."

Yes, your roommate's dishes may stink and the smell may overpower your apple-cinnamon Glade plug-in. And yes, it may be hard to tell her when you are afraid she might take it badly. But if you try to be respectful and understanding, you have a better chance to avoid hurting her feelings and to survive the interesting relationship that exists between roommates.

Sound Off! Post Your Comments