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College can be great; living with your  

roommate

  can be a nightmare. But wait... before you throw in the towel, take some tips from these real students who survived round one of the "Roommate Battle..."

Chrissy Cortez, a freshman at Indiana University (IU, Bloomington, IN) is getting adjusted to her new life on campus. She's attending classes, meeting new friends, and growing as an individual. When she first arrived on campus, however, things weren't so peachy. Chrissy arrived at IU as every new student does -- with the hopes of making new friends. And, just like every other college student, the first person she met was her roommate.

She had hoped this would be a chance for an instant new friend, someone with whom to attend parties. It turned out to be the exact opposite. Chrissy and her roommate went the distance about everything from room cleanliness to visitors.

"We didn't really do anything to break the ice," says Chrissy, "in retrospect we probably should have tried harder to get along. I tried to be nice at first but she didn't, and the communication between us eventually shut down."

Being mismatched with a roommate is a common campus situation, but it doesn't have to ruin your experience. What can spell the difference between a great roomie relationship and an awful one, is the preparation and work that needs to be put in by both individuals. Of course, being open-minded doesn't hurt!

Before The First Day
Making a positive first impression starts long before you actually meet your roommate face-to-face.

"I would recommend both personally and professionally to reach your roommate before you come down to school," says Bethany Hobbs of Ohio State University's student resident housing program. "It gives you a chance to talk to each other and find some common ground."

Universities ship a package about a month prior to your arrival on campus with information you'll need to do this. Placing a simple telephone call or sending an e-mail or two before school starts will make your transition much easier.

The University at Buffalo (UB, New York) goes a step further by providing several exercises to identify possible differences. This way, solutions can be addressed before problems ever arise. The "Getting Acquainted" exercise is broken down into several questions based on background, study style, emotional style, lifestyle, housekeeping, and guests.

UB's background questions provide simple insight about where students are from, what their interests are, and about their family life. Study style helps to set rules about when studying time will be and the kind of conditions to be provided, for example, whether or not music will be allowed.

Emotional style queries ask students whether they prefer being alone and if they are more passive than aggressive. Lifestyle questions reveal feelings about religion, sex, relationships, even lending or borrowing clothes. Housekeeping determines a person's neatness or messiness quotient, and can assist in working out a system to keep the room to both such satisfactions. Finally, guest questions determine how often and how many guests will be allowed to hang out, as well as whether or not they will be permitted to stay the night.

Meeting the Roommate
The first thing you'll notice when you walk into the dorm, even if you haven't yet met your roommate, is the lack of space. In order for you and your roommate to get along, you need to respect each other's space. Your first important decision is choosing which bed, desk, and closet to take; it's best if you wait for your roommate to arrive before you start unpacking.

"If you take the bottom bunk, it is most common to take the desk furthest from you," says Dan Cortez, a senior at Indiana University. "Choosing the bottom bed means a certain convenience for you; if you take the furthest desk, you will allow a convenience to your roommate. It shows respect."

Second, once you meet your roommate, do so with an open mind. "Keep in mind that many people come from very different backgrounds," says Dan. "Always follow the golden rule and treat people as you would want to be treated."

Understand that for you and your roommate to be friends, you don't have to do everything together. It's a good idea to get to know your roommate well in the beginning of the year. Doing so will help the adjustment process. Once the adjustment is over and you are comfortable with your surroundings, feel free to branch out on your own and meet new friends. This will allow for you and your roommate to enjoy separate lives and reduce the risk of tension in your living area.

Setting Up the Rules
Once you and your roommate get to know each other, UB is one of many schools that suggests signing a roommie contract. This agreement outlines the specific areas discussed in the "getting acquainted" exercise. Some areas to cover include guests, studying hours, music levels, smoking, cleanliness, and communication. This will help to settle disputes that may arise in the future. A roommate contract can be done involving just the both of you, but it is recommended to allow a floor resident assistant to help draft and file the contract.

Dealing with Problems
Chrissy recalls coming home from classes one day to find her roommate had left the room in shambles.

"I hate when this happens. She is so inconsiderate," Chrissy said, and proceeded to throw all the clothes to the other side of the room. Jeans, shirts, bras, and underwear, were kicked to the other corner away from her desk. "Just because she doesn't have any friends, doesn't mean that I won't bring friends here once in a while."

The problems between Chrissy and her roommate are obvious. Many roommates have a positive experience during their time together, but occasionally two people will be mismatched and argue throughout the year.

Sometimes problems between roommates cannot be worked out. In these cases, it might be beneficial if one roommate moved out, but there is a process Hobbs recommends following before switching rooms.

"You need to first talk out your problems with the resident assistant on your floor," says Hobbs. "Many problems are worked out there."

If these problems cannot be resolved, then a meeting with the hall director should be scheduled. If that doesn't help, you need to continue your way up the supervisory scale, says Hobbs, until you will eventually reach the director of resident life.

At Ohio State, the person to reach is Jenny Klein -- who says that each year about 5,500 undergraduate students live in the dorms and 250 transfer requests are submitted. Although all of the requests will eventually get approved, Klein says some students wind up resolving their problems, since they don't want to go through the trouble of moving when space becomes available.

Are there any positives? Although once in a while two students don't get along, the majority of students don't face this problem. There are exciting aspects in meeting a new roommate, says Klein.

"Living with someone you don't know gives you a chance to start fresh with no preconceived notions." In fact, she adds, "People who have known each other for years sometimes make assumptions about their roommates that end up causing terrible arguments. This is an important time in your life -- be excited for the change."

If you live with a stranger, you might make a new best friend," says Klein. "Take a chance and have an open mind. For many college grads, their best memories include their roommates."

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