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I received the strangest news today. My roommate from college, Anne*, was accepted into medical school. Strange, you ask? As I sit here at my desk two years after my college graduation, two years after my institute of higher learning unleashed a flurry of ambitious young adults into the world to become lawyers, doctors, and business and community leaders, I am confused.

Anne, who was also a friend from high school, rushed a  

sorority

  during her freshman year and went through the grueling hours of pledging. This mainly consisted of three hours of sleep per night, being covered in mud and ketchup and forced to attend classes in that condition, and not being 'allowed' to shower for days on end. She had to endure countless weeks of berating from her 'sisters,' being told that she was nothing, she was fat, or she not was good enough. Nonetheless, as time progressed, she moved up the ranks of the group; by our junior year, she became the sorority's president.

My other roommates belonged to this sorority as well, but grew increasingly disinterested in participating in it by our junior year. Anne sensed this and blamed their detachment on me, since I declined all invitations from the sorority to become a member. By the end of our junior year, Anne moved out of our house and decided to live in the sorority house across the street. What ensued after this is a tale so surreal, sometimes I even have trouble believing it.

Anne convinced her new housemates that I was responsible for the decline in membership, as three of my friends officially disaffiliated from the group. As a result, they began to threaten me and ultimately ended up terrorizing me. It started out with threatening phone calls and escalated into physical confrontations. They would surround my house in the middle of the night and bang and scream on my bedroom window. They called at all hours of the night, and if I didn't pick up the phone, they screamed death threats into my answering machine. It was constant; they never let up. For the last half of my senior year, they followed me and threatened me every step of the way.

One night, about 10 drunken sisters found me at a local hangout and were about to physically attack me. Had I not been there with a member of a fraternity they socialized with, they would have done it. It is difficult to articulate the kind of rage that came from these girls as they were threatening me. None of them really even knew me. Their only knowledge of me was what their president told them.

I finally contacted the police and they urged me to press charges and have the girls arrested, because in their experience, they said, these situations usually ended up in some kind of physical violence. I filed three separate reports as the threats escalated, but I never pressed charges, going against the strong recommendation of the police and my parents. I regret that decision to this day. In hindsight, I realize that I should have taken action. I didn't know exactly what it was that kept me from pressing charges. After all, I could not walk on campus by myself, for fear of running into them alone, and I essentially gave up my social life. This was all because of the fear they instilled in me.

What is also scary about this story is that some of the girls who tormented me were weekend visitors who were already out in the workforce. One of them was a high school teacher; she spent her weekdays teaching impressionable teenagers, and her weekends screaming death threats into my answering machine. These are the same women who will have their own daughters in a few years' time. What will they teach them? If someone doesn't want to be part of your group, you should terrorize them until you physically hurt them or until they mentally break down?

Life is full of limitations, frauds, and evil born of ignorance. These girls taught me the most important lesson I have ever learned--more than thousands of dollars and four years of classes could ever provide. In any situation in life, in order to be successful and achieve fulfillment, you must set yourself apart from the rest. It requires an establishment of your sense of self. In my opinion, to blindly follow a leader is not a life at all, rather, it's an empty existence. Giving your power over to someone just because you want to be part of a group because you don't know who you are is a cowardly approach to life.

Not pressing charges against these girls gave them power over me. I freely gave that control to them, and I realize that now. I didn't want to be known as the girl on campus who pressed charges against this particular sorority, because in the grand scheme of things, I didn't want to look like an outsider. I would rather have faced physical harm than be known as an outsider, one who didn't belong. That is what paralyzed me. Not my fear of them, rather a fear of what people would think.

Therein lies the lesson I learned. While I always considered myself an individual for not joining a sorority, in actuality, I was denouncing my individuality because I still allowed them to control me in an indirect way. The final outcome of my experience was anticlimactic in action, but formidable in the knowledge that I gained. The harassment continued up until my graduation day. When we all packed up and moved away, I left their rage behind.

Sadly, they are now in fields where their influence will mean a great deal--one is studying to be a lobbyist, many are in the business world, some are in law school, and Anne, the 'leader,' is studying to be a doctor. They are influencing people with a hollow foundation, and it is frightening that they will pass their ignorance on to others. What these girls don't know is that their actions were very helpful to me.

I realized that college is a place where you can truly discover yourself if you are open to it. It was there that I learned what I stand for, and more importantly, what I won't stand for. I will carry that knowledge with me for the rest of my life. I graduated enlightened; they graduated with the same closed minds they started college with. That, to me, is a very big waste of an education.

Be Aware!
Before rushing a sorority or fraternity, ask around and find out what the group is really like. Everyone is usually on their best behavior during rush ceremonies, so that is not the time to discover a group's true colors. Instead, find out from student non-members what a group's reputation is on campus. Don't let anyone force you into making a decision to join a sorority. It's advisable, too, to wait until your sophomore year before pledging.

Whatever you decide, remember that the decision should be yours, and yours alone. If you experience trouble similar to this, there are many groups on campus that can help you. Other than contacting the local authorities or your college's dean, visit your local student government office. They will have all the information on the local governance authorities of individual sororities and fraternities. They can put you in touch with chapter officials for these groups as well. In addition, some campuses have judicial affairs offices, which may include a women's issues office. Should you have the same trouble, utilize these groups on campus to bring these issues to light.

Editor's Note: What happened to Ms. Gray, thankfully, is an uncommon occurrence on today's college campuses. Because of past fraternity and sorority hazing transgressions, the majority of Greek collegiate organizations are closely monitored and regulated. While there are exceptions, many Greek groups pride themselves on providing their members with leadership training, skills enhancement, helpful team-building attributes, and networking options for the future.

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