When I left for college, I did so with the conviction that my "real" friends were my high school friends. They were the ones I grew up with -- the ones who saw me through my first heartbreaks and bad haircuts, and took bows beside me in all the school plays. They were always going to be my most important pals, and I decided that everyone I met in college should know that they would never be more than my "temporary" friends.

In my first letter to my soon-to-be-roommate, I gave detailed descriptions of all of my best buds from home, just so she'd know who I was going to talk about all year. And as soon as I stepped foot into my dorm, I hung up photos of them everywhere -- dozens, taped up, framed, pasted into collages, and tacked to bulletin boards. This way, my friends would always be around me, and I'd never forget my loyalties.

I impressed the heck out of my dormmates when it came time for us to walk to the mailroom. Everyone else was happy to find a letter or two, while my record was about 16 letters and packages from friends in one day. Of course, that's because I spent all my free time writing letters and making calls to these same people.

When I spoke with friends from home, I'd tell them about my "college friends." The label was important. I never just called them my "friends," or even my "new friends," because I didn't want my home friends to feel like their thrones had been usurped. I'd seen it happen before, and it wasn't pretty. I had a friend who left for college the previous year, and completely blew off everyone from home the moment he drove away. When we called him, he'd talk endlessly about his new friends, and then he'd get off the phone quickly to go to a frat party or a club. Gross! What had become of our old pal? Suddenly, he was too cool for us.

I was determined never to let this happen to me. My friendship wasn't shallow, and it wasn't disposable. Even though I'd gone far away to college, I wasn't looking to escape from the people who'd made me who I am. Besides, I was only going to be in college for four years, and then we'd all be scattered all over the world again. My closest college friends were from places like Maryland, Kansas, and Japan. I, on the other hand, was from New York, and had no intention of ever moving away.

Therefore, it made much better sense for me to make sure my "important" friends were the ones who would live near me long after graduation. I kept up this attitude until my junior year. That's when I realized my college friends had become my "real" friends, too. So they weren't there when Joey dumped me in the 8th grade, but they were there to bring me coffee when I was pulling an all-night cram session, or to keep me company when I was working the late night shift at the laundromat. They were even there to see me through my first taste of independence.

I hadn't given them nearly enough credit. It was unfair of me to try to make their friendships second-best in my heart just because we didn't happen to grow up in the same town. These were some of the nicest people I'd ever known, and they'd taken good care of me, had tons of fun with me, and made me important in their lives. So what if we might not live near each other after graduation? Why couldn't I value their friendships enough to make them last through letters, e-mail, phone calls, and visits, just the same way I was doing now with my friends from home?

I didn't need to forget my loyalties to my old pals; I learned I could have the best of both worlds by getting rid of the labels and caring a whole lot about all of them. My home friends didn't need to feel neglected. I began involving both groups in each other's lives by bringing my best college friends home with me on breaks, so they could meet my old school friends. Some of them even started writing letters to each other. I should have known all along; these were all my friends -- of course they would love each other!

So now I've graduated college, and I'm back in New York. To my great delight, some of my best college friends have moved here! They've come to visit, and we keep in touch through e-mail and phone calls. And, ironically, some of my home friends have moved far away.

I've learned now that you can't always plan out just how your life will happen, you have to live it one step at a time, and enjoy all of its wild, unpredictable stages. For me, that meant letting myself admit how attached I'd become to these "temporary" friends, and to give them the credit and loyalty they deserved. Now, they're all my old friends!

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