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It's the summer between high school graduation and freshman year of college, and you're dating the guy or girl of your dreams. Suddenly you realize the first day of college is looming in the not-so-distant future, and panic sets in. As far as you're both concerned, there's only one option: Stay together. But still, you wonder, "Will our relationship survive the distance?

"It's possible to give your relationship a fighting chance, say these three couples who have made it work. No matter how far away you are, they contend, going to separate colleges does not have to dampen the fires of love. In fact, a relationship is often more rewarding when both people are able to develop their own interests, meet new people, and bring their experiences back to the relationship. You just have to look at it as a challenge that can make your relationship stronger, explains Andy Dunlap, a counselor at Susquehanna University (Selinsgrove, PA). "Distance is just another barrier or variable toward people having a good relationship."

Adjustments of the Heart
The transition to college is a time of great growth and change -- great for you, says Dunlap, but not so great for your match made in high school heaven. "It can be jarring when people change."

Expect lots of highs and lows during the transition period. "[The first week] was one of the most emotionally torturous times in my life," says Jason Jewett, a junior at Susquehanna University whose girlfriend, Heather Flick, is a sophomore three hours away at Ithaca College (Ithaca, NY). Despite having been together for over two years, insecurity does creep up on him at times. "I started to think things that I wouldn't normally," admits Jason. "If Heather wasn't available when I'd call or IM, my imagination went wild thinking about what she was doing and who she was doing it with."

The main lessons Jason and Heather have learned? How to adjust to growth and change, rely on communication, and anticipate weekend-long visits throughout the semester. All are key factors, they say, to keeping long-distance love alive.

That, and trust, of course. This element of a successful  

long-distance relationship

  is vital, say experts and couples alike. In fact, it's the very foundation of a successful long-distance relationship in college and beyond, says Heather. "If the trust isn't there and the sturdy foundation for a relationship isn't already established, the long-distance part will be even harder," she says.

Dunlap agrees. "If you don't trust the person you're with to be faithful when you're not together, you should evaluate why you're in the relationship."

In fact, says Jason Rich, author of The Everything College Survival Book (Adams Media Corporation, 1996), trust is the cornerstone of a good relationship. "Knowing you'll be faithful to your boyfriend/girlfriend, and he or she will be faithful to you, will help maintain the bond you have for each other."

Lindsey McClenathan, a junior at Susquehanna University adds that time away can actually be a good thing -- if it's put into perspective. "Embrace the fact that your 'other' will have a life separate from you while away at school. And, use your time to pursue your own interests at your university instead of allowing your imagination to spin out of control thinking about what your loved one is doing."

Stay Connected
Along with trust, communication helps build the foundation for a successful long-distance relationship. "The fix for most problems is open and honest communication," advises Dunlap. "Be as open and honest as you can."

Jason and Heather did just that, especially during those long periods of time away from one another. "You have to talk about things because all you can do is talk," Jason says. "Don't get caught up in the lack of physical closeness."

Phone calls are special because they allow you to hear the other person's voice, says Liz Houts, a sophomore at Susquehanna University, whose boyfriend, Levi Blazer, is a junior at Juniata College (Huntingdon, PA), two hours away. "If you don't have phone communication, it's not the same. My boyfriend and I have a phone date every week." Liz and Levi's weekly chat session seems to work for them; they started dating approximately one month before their high school graduation, and have been together for two years.

Though he and Liz connect via IM and e-mail, Levi finds their phone time more enjoyable. "A non-electronic form of communication is very useful because e-mail and IM can cause interpretation problems," he says.

Lindsey, who has been in the midst of such techno-arguments with her boyfriend, Ben Kaufman, a junior at Widener University (Chester, PA), agrees. Though IM helps keep phone bills down, it does have its disadvantages she explains, "Sometimes it causes misunderstandings, arguments, and hurt feelings because body language and tone of voice cannot be interpreted with a statement on the computer."

Two Hearts Together as One
Of course, a relationship cannot survive on all talk and no personal interaction. That's why it's important to agree on a weekend convenient for both of you and arrange a visit. "Without periodic visits to each other's schools," says Liz, "a long distance relationship would be very difficult to maintain."

Although she and Levi have a hard time figuring out when they'll see each other, they make an effort to get together every possible weekend. That's important, says Dunlap. "Since the majority of communication is nonverbal, personal interaction is invaluable."

When you're between visits, mailing letters is a great alternative to phone calls and chatting online, says Liz. "I once sent Levi a ransom note for his heart with letters cut out of magazines." If you think your high school sweetheart is "the one," then take heart -- these students found a way to make it work, and so can you! With a little trust, communication, and a whole lot of love, you can learn to embrace your long-distance relationship and watch it flourish. It's hard work, but who said dating was easy?

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