On my first day of  

college

  I cried. Realizing I was going to be standing in my family's shadow for my entire student career, it was difficult to swallow. You see, six of my seven older siblings went to the same school I had just started, and my father had taught there for 14 years. Teachers everywhere said they knew me from when I was "this big," as they gestured a flat hand out below their waist. And yet none of them really knew me at all.

They always asked about my father, how he was doing, and how my siblings Margaret and Joe were enjoying Boston and New York. Forget them for a second, I wanted to say -- ask about me! How am I doing?

I was pumped with excitement when I sat down in a front seat for my first class until I heard the following: "Ahh," the professor said, "Dr. Plummer's son." The problem was that once I started college, I didn't want to be anyone's son, or anyone's brother anymore. I just wanted to be me.

That's when it hit me: Who is "me"? If I wanted to show these people who I really was, I'd have to find out for myself first. By doing a few simple things, I was able to achieve that goal. Now, not only do my profs know me, I do, too.

Finding Myself in Action
I know, "Getting to know you" sounds like it should stay within the realms of musical theater (The King and I), but the process is not only very easy, it's also important. You'll start tapping into what you're good at, what you're not so good at, what you enjoy, and what you dislike.

Dr. Laurie Sterling, an English professor at King's College (Wilkes-Barre, PA), says that knowing yourself will benefit you in college and down the road. "It will create direction and responsibility," she says. "Students [who know themselves] are willing to take control of their education."

After deciding I wanted to step outside the shadow of my family, I quickly realized the most important thing to do was get involved. I signed up for a weekly slot with my college radio station. I told the editors at the college newspaper I was available if they needed help. And I got a part-time job building sets for the theater's plays each semester. After a while I even landed two small roles.

I've learned the more experiences you have, the better your chances of finding something you like. "I didn't know I liked poetry," says Abigail E. Myers, an English and philosophy major at King's, "until I became editor of our literary magazine. Now I know I also like editing, and I'm looking for possible careers in that field."

As for me? I found out I loved playing music and reading poems over the air, but newspaper writing was not my thing. I was also better behind the scenes than in the theater spotlight. The process of self-discovery had begun.

Finding Myself on Paper
I was never one to keep a journal, but after a teacher mentioned its advantages for aspiring writers, I decided to give it a whirl. I pulled out a small, dust-covered notepad from a box of miscellaneous books and went at it. Wow! I never knew how much junk I had built up inside. It was great to let loose all of the trivial, miscellaneous thoughts that cluttered my brain and distracted my thinking. And there was no way around it: What was on the paper was there for a reason. I was learning deep, hidden things about myself.

Try writing for just 15 minutes each day, and you'll see what I mean. Then go back and look at what you wrote, and you'll find some things that are quite revealing. Just make sure what you write is honest -- remember, no one else is reading it. If you're not into journals, try writing a poem or story.

Jonathan Wilde, a recent graduate of New York University (New York, NY), says his stories often develop from a personal source. "It's a small bit of self-revelation used as a foundation for building something new and different," he explains. "I've come a lot closer to analyzing myself as I flesh out a character."

Finding Myself and Sharing "Me"
Next, it was time to introduce "me" to everyone else. Teachers love surprise visits, so on one particularly gloomy day, I popped into my English prof's office to ask a quick question, hoping it would lead to a discussion. To my delight, he set his glasses on his desk, turned toward me in his swivel chair, and offered me a seat. We spoke about class, the weather, his family -- things totally unrelated to school. Little by little, I learned about my strengths and weaknesses as a student and as a person. The relationship became as important and valuable to me as one with a parent.

The last thing I kept in mind in trying to discover myself was to pay attention to that self. I took note of my behavior in front of family, friends, teachers, and other adults, and how it differed accordingly. I observed where I found myself going each weekend and what I did with my free time. Who did I call when I needed help? Why? I noticed important patterns that were starting to develop. I paid attention to what moved, struck, and bothered me, and found out why.

The magical thing was that my college career became much easier after doing these things. There was little mystery, confusion, and frustration. If I was the clogged, sputtering engine of the "Plummer Family" when I started, then I'm smooth, clean, and purring like "Herbert the Kitten" now. I've got a tough road ahead, no doubt, but an easier one now that I have a clearer picture of myself. You can do this as well. And you should. You've got unique qualities that can't be found anywhere else, and it's your job to discover them.

Sound Off! Post Your Comments