I was dismissed from college right after my freshman year with a cumulative GPA of 1.9. This was a surprise to everyone who knew me--after all, I was a stellar student in high school. I'd never received any grade lower than a B. The weird thing was, my collegiate failure wasn't surprising or unnerving to me.

Of course, my parents were beside themselves because I am an only child--they felt like they messed up or something. But it wasn't them ... and it wasn't really me, either.

I'm telling this story because there just might be a legitimate reason for your crazy, flunk-out behavior that is so "not like you." It's called Graves' disease and yes, in terms of how it wreaks havoc on your life, it's as grave as it sounds.

I spent a whole year wondering if I knew who I was, if I was going crazy, or if I was just a hypochondriac. I don't want you or any of your friends to have to deal with that. If you're suffering from Graves' disease, and are able to figure things out, it may make the rest of your life a whole lot easier. Trust me. I wasn't myself.

Picture this: When I first arrived at Rutgers University, I was an ecstatic freshman, one who was handed freedom in the form of college. It was great: no detention, no curfew, and best of all--no parents! My first week consisted of seven unforgettable days of meeting new people and being infused with the whole social scene. I did my share of partying, sure, but that wasn't the sole reason for my poor grades.

I began to experience bizarre feelings... I felt like I wasn't really me, that I was on the outside of myself, looking in. I would stay up all night and could only fall asleep after sunrise. Although I began sleeping most of the day, missing the majority of my classes, I wasn't overly concerned at first. But then my mental capacities began to feel exhausted, too. When I did try to study, I read the same lines over and over again, yet they still remained incomprehensible. Finally, I grew frustrated and gave up entirely. I joked with my friends about my developing Attention Deficit Disorder over the semester, but I knew this couldn't possibly be true.

In addition to having trouble with academics, I was plagued with hyperactivity. I became wired with excitement--my heart constantly felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. I ignored it though, because I was too busy having fun. In my mind, that was why my skin became flushed easily, and why my body temperature was constantly high.

The Frightening Diagnosis
I eventually got kicked out of school, and spent my sophomore year attending a community college. I enrolled in a few communication courses, including Introduction to Radio. Who knew that a silly prank in that class would answer all my concerns? We had just taken our Intro to Radio midterm and were sent into the studios to practice announcing. There was a bag of these cotton swabs there with really long ends. I put one in my ear to amuse my group, but when I lifted my hand to take it out, I hit it and the swab pierced my eardrum.

After being shipped to the emergency room for examination, and shuffled to four other doctors by the end of the day, I had more to worry about than ear trouble. After a series of blood tests and questions, I was diagnosed with Graves' disease.

The Grave Details
Graves' disease is a condition also known as hyperthyroidism. Since the thyroid gland produces hormones and affects your metabolism, it also affects how you act. In addition, because the disease is not visible or incredibly symptomatic, it's often difficult to detect. It's no wonder why everyone couldn't quite pinpoint my uncharacteristic behavior, the class failure, and the frenetic functioning. I also had a temper that was sparked by any random occurrence. (Needless to say, my roommate at Rutgers endured most of my wrath.) Graves' disease affects almost every aspect of your being. You can be overly anxious, nervous, and excited. It can also alter your sleep habits and attention span, two symptoms that were the root of my academic downfall.

It's unclear how hyperthyroidism develops. Some say it's genetic, but doctors still don't know what triggers it. There's really no cure for the disease, but there are treatments. I must take pills for the rest of my life in order to supplement the hormones a normally functioning thyroid produces.

The Inspirational Ending
After a year at community college, I did an academic 360º and finished with a cumulative 3.75 GPA. I appealed my previous dismissal from Rutgers on medical grounds and was readmitted. Since my grades from freshman year stood, however, I still returned to Rutgers with only a 1.9 GPA.

It's been about a year since I've returned to Rutgers, and almost two years since I was diagnosed. I've received only A's and B's since coming back, and my GPA is definitely rising. It's going to be a struggle, but I know I'll do fine.

Graves' disease can be debilitating. The symptoms are invisible, but the effects can stay with you for the rest of your life--or, if you catch it soon--just until college is over. Although I must work twice as hard to achieve my goals, the disease is somewhat a blessing in disguise. It has pushed me to strive for precisely what I want, I have shed layers of instability, and I am now even more ambitious and driven. I look back on my freshman year and see a whole other person who is still a part of me; the difference is that now I know exactly who I am.

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