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It was the beginning of my junior year of college and I was on top of my game. I had a handle on my classes and all of my professors loved my work and thought I had a lot of potential. Since I was moving toward the last leg of my academic career, I was contemplating a lot of things: Should I start looking into graduate school? Which school activities do I need to keep on top of? How well am I balancing my brand new job? Luckily, these were all positive concerns -- it looked like my junior year was going to be a blast.

And then one Saturday night while I was out with friends, my pager went off. It was my younger brother telling me awful news. Someone very close to me had died ... my grandmother.

My grandmother meant the world to me. She was the one I told all of my deepest secrets to. She taught me how to bake my first pie, and cook my now famous spare ribs. We had a bond like no other. She was one of the reasons I started college. She gave me the courage to move on with my academic studies. I was hoping to see her in the front row at graduation, cheering me on and making a huge fuss, as she always did about my accomplishments.

Coping with  

crisis

 
I didn't know how to deal with her death. My grandmother, one of my best friends, had gone on without me -- before she could see me graduate from college, and before I could do anything to pay her back for all the love and support she gave throughout the years. I never got a chance to say thank you -- or even "I love you" -- for the last time.

After the funeral, my mind went on hiatus from the rest of the world. Although I was physically in school, my mind wasn't there. The days I went, I was just a body in the chair. I was very quiet and just sat there, looking off into space. Everyone noticed that something was wrong. Eventually, I stopped going for a while. I stayed in my bedroom and slept. I would call a fellow classmate to get the notes and reading assignments for the next class but would never go. I felt I had a reason to stop everything -- school activities, clubs, and life itself. I just couldn't go on without her.

I didn't realize what was going on in my head but I knew I wasn't happy. The simplest thing would make me fly off the handle. Then I would get really quiet as if someone had turned off my voice. I didn't care about anything or anyone, but people did care about me and my well-being.

Help from friends during crisis
My friends saw what was happening. Many of them gave me space to work it out for myself. Others stuck around to be there for me in crisis. They invited me out to eat or to go dancing but I would always back out. "I'm tired," I would say. I was always tired. When food would be offered to me, I would turn it down. I was starving myself. My boyfriend would hug me and say he could feel my ribs more than before. One night, I looked at myself in a mirror and I could actually see my bones.

All I knew was that I needed something to make me forget. Sleep became that answer. When that didn't do it anymore, I turned to food. I had won the battle of the bulge before but now I ate more than ever. In front of friends and my boyfriend, it seemed like I was keeping a balanced diet but I wasn't. It was the late nights that got to me the most. There I was, awake in my apartment at three in the morning when the rest of the world was sleeping. I was eating, baking, and ordering food all night long. I was eating so much that I made myself sick. When I finally got well, I stepped on the scale and saw I had gained back half the weight I lost. That day I cried. It was then I knew I needed help.

Getting the help I needed wasn't as easy as one may think. My closest friends came over so I wouldn't be alone all the time. My boyfriend would call me every night so I could vent my anger to him. It helped relieve some of the stress I was feeling, but it just wasn't enough -- I still needed more help.

Here are some of the ways I learned to deal with crisis:
• Hang out with friends to get your mind off of things.
• Do something that makes you look or feel good.
• Try aromatherapy -- it can be very soothing and relaxing.
• Escape into a beautiful adventure novel, or read a magazine or short story -- it's a good way to escape.

Telltale signs that a friend is going through a crisis:
• Lack of interest in things they used to love. If your friend loved writing and singing and all of a sudden stops going to rehearsals or creative writing club meetings, it may be time to step in and find out what's wrong.
• Class absence. If your regular chat partner in physics class is MIA for a long period of time, ask questions.
• Severe changes in personality. If your friend goes from being a social butterfly to a silent wallflower, get together and have a chat.
• Severe changes in habits. If your friend who usually eats like a bird starts shoveling down food like a pizza hog, there may definitely be something wrong.

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