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"When we understand the needs that motivate our own and others' behavior, we have no enemies." -- Marshall Rosenberg

Lindsay Butler was walking into her dorm room for the first time when she felt her heart start to beat out of control. Already waiting inside was her smiling, happy college roommate. "'Hey,' she beamed," Lindsay recalls. "I began to cry. When she asked 'What's wrong?' the walls began to close in on me -- I was having my first panic attack."

The University of Hartford (West Hartford, CT) grad remembers the difficult time she had -- like most incoming freshmen -- adapting to life without the comforts of home. Lindsay, however, went to college facing the additional challenge of coping with her panic disorder, a chronic condition that can intensify with changes in environment.

Many college students are unaware of chronic diseases that their peers grapple with every day, such as asthma; diabetes; depression/anxiety disorders; digestive diseases such as Crohn's disease, irritable bowel syndrome, and colitis; and eating disorders. While each of these chronic diseases is different, one common factor that exacerbates all of them is stress. When people with these chronic conditions become stressed out, their symptoms can intensify, or lead to other issues, such as depression, anxiety, or an eating disorder.

What if it's your college roommate who's suffering? While there is no one clear-cut way to best handle his or her condition, you can express support and create a more positive living environment for both of you.

Get to Know Who They Are
Anne Reese, director of health and wellness education at the Indiana University (Bloomington, IN) Health Center, believes that to be supportive, you must first establish a close relationship with your college roommate. While it can be hard for college students with chronic diseases to be open about their condition, they will likely appreciate your concern and feel comfortable talking about themselves once you acquire their trust.

"Ask your roommate how he or she wants medical problems to be treated by you," says Reese. "Does he or she want to talk openly with you? Prefer privacy and confidentiality? You really just have to ask," she advises. "Honesty is the best way. If, for instance, you're nervous, just say so. Being truthful will make him or her feel more comfortable and more able to discuss the condition with you."

Be Conscious of Your Own Behavior
Ellie Weinstein, a University of Hartford grad, has a chronic form of resting asthma, resulting in shortness of breath or heavy coughing. Though her attacks can come without warning, her freshman-year living environment intensified her chronic condition."I lived in an old, brick dorm. My room had a dirty, old heater and no air conditioning, which took a huge toll on me. Also, my roommate was a smoker -- never good for an asthmatic to be around," she says.

Looking back, Ellie wishes she had explained to her roommate that smoke worsened her condition. "Maybe if I had talked to her about it, she would have been more considerate of my needs," she says.

Gregg Jacob also thought he'd have little trouble coping with his chronic disease at school. However, during his freshman year at the University of Florida (Gainesville, FL), he realized not everyone would be so understanding of the Crohn's disease he had been battling for four years. "I never considered it a handicap until it started to interfere with my life. My two roommates, who wanted me to move out so they could each have their own room, did everything in their power to make me miserable," he recalls. "They kept me up, they drank and smoked in the room all the time, and generally made my life extremely stressful."

Looking back, Gregg wishes he had spoken to them about his condition. "Even though guys don't really look for medical 'help' from their roommates, it would have been nice if they would have helped me out," he says.

Be Supportive, But Don't Try to Be the Expert
Deborah Vineberg, a clinical psychologist in Bronx, NY, who specializes in obesity and eating disorders, advises roommates of suffering students to be open and available. "Put yourself out there and express that you want to be there for them. But don't try to do more than you can; don't get in over your head. Say, 'We have a great counseling center -- I think maybe you should get some help.' Also, talk to your resident adviser as a resource," she recommends.

Bear in mind, though, that some students who come to school having dealt with a chronic condition in the past are sick of being 'labeled' by their disease. "They might prefer not to discuss their conditions and have them known by others because before going away to school they were 'defined' by their diseases," asserts Reese. "They feel that college is a place to start fresh and to redefine their identities."

At times, for instance, Lindsay felt self-conscious about having a panic disorder. "You're uncomfortable in your own skin -- you feel like everyone's going to judge you, and no one will understand, like they'll think you're crazy," she says. While she's thankful to have had a supportive college roommate, she found that using a counseling/psychological service where she could talk to professionals was even more helpful.

It's wise for college students with a chronic disease to seek out campus health care professionals and services as soon as they arrive at school, says Reese. This way, they'll always know where to go for help -- be it for a physical emergency or for support when dealing with the emotional pitfalls of coping with their disease.

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