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It's party time on campus -- midterms are over, and your school's football team just won the biggest game of the season. Students, professors, and just about everyone, are celebrating at a huge bash on the football field. You're taking it all in from the sidelines, seated in an optimum spot for seeing all the action -- way atop the bleachers... alone.

OK, so maybe you're not one for parties, and you couldn't care less about the football team -- and hey, even though midterms are over, there are still finals to study for, right? Regardless of what you may feel, being a campus wallflower can hurt you in the long run. Others, including College faculty, may interpret your on-your-own behavior as your being unfriendly or having low self-esteem.

"If you lack confidence, admissions officers will see that," says Bill Caskey, director of college counseling at ConnectEdu, a Providence, RI-based firm that assists high school students with the admissions process. "And, it will have an impact on you when you arrive at college."

After all, college is a place to make new friends, find out your likes and dislikes, and truly discover who you are. "It's a time of exploration, when you can take advantage of multiple opportunities," says Caskey.

That's what Dave Santino, 20, a junior at Babson College (Babson Park, MA), did. Though he admits to being shy throughout elementary and high school, it was at college where he was able to conquer his shyness. "I was never the type to initiate something myself," he says. "Now I feel a lot more confident."

Alexa Rosenbloom says there wasn't a dramatic shift in her personality between high school and college, but in terms of getting to know people, the 19-year-old Brown University (Providence, RI) junior is now much more proactive. "Talking to people isn't such a strange thing because everyone is in the same boat."

How did these students do it, you ask? Follow their three-step guide to overcoming wallflower syndrome, and you'll go from shy to social butterfly in no time!

1. Recognize and admit it. The first step to overcoming wallflower syndrome, Dave says, is revealing your shyness. "If you're not willing to admit that, you're not going to get anywhere," he says.
   
   Once you realize it and decide you want to change, Dave suggests figuring out a way to motivate yourself to do things you otherwise wouldn't. "Take every opportunity to overcome it," he says. For example, if you have a chance to speak publicly, you may grind your teeth, but know that in the end you'll be that much closer to it getting easier.
   
   "Every little thing helps you get better," he says.


2. Envision what you want and go for it. Identifying and visualizing what you desire is helpful, says Dave. "If you know what you can get out of conquering the shyness, it's easier to see that goal and get there."
   
   And once you set a goal for yourself, he says, be consistent in pursuing it. When Dave began taking journalism classes, for example, he didn't realize it would require him to confront and converse with others. "If I had thought about it, I may not have done it," he admits. "It's a little overwhelming, but I keep doing it because it really interests me."


3. Socialize. Now that you've spoken publicly and have identified what you want, it's time to test your skills.
   "College is conducive to adjusting and meeting new people," Alexa says. She suggests utilizing every aspect of collegiate life as an opportunity to socialize -- participate in extracurricular activities, clubs, groups, or join a sports team.
   
   If you're not a fan of outside-the-classroom functions, Alexa suggests getting to know people who live in your Dorm by leaving your door open. "An open door is [usually] an invitation for people to come socialize," she explains. And if you're not up for opening yours, Alexa says, there'll most likely be an open door somewhere, so find one and feel free to walk through and introduce yourself.

Maybe it's obvious you're nervous or unsure of yourself, but try not to let others see your anxiety. Be conscious of how you sound, and stay certain of yourself. That way, you'll exude confidence, which isn't usually funny, but rather admirable. You'll feel much better, and before you know it, you'll be way atop in the bleachers -- this time surrounded by friends!

Exercises to Break the Cycle
In high school, Jeffrey J. Bucki, a graduate of the State University of New York College at Fredonia (Fredonia, NY), felt out of place and quite often kept to himself. Today, he works at a Buffalo, NY-based public relations/advertising firm, interacting with others on a daily basis. "It's like night and day," he says of his personality then and now.

Break free like Jeffrey did with these easy action points:

• Raise your hand more often in class. When the teacher calls on you, announce your answer loud and clear. Don't worry what your classmates think, or if they laugh or smirk. "You have to push yourself with some of the things you fear, and don't run away from them," Jeffrey says. With enough practice, speaking in front of crowds will become second nature.


• Get an off-campus Job. Jeffrey worked as a waiter at a Greek restaurant in town. "That was great," he remembers. "I wanted to be the center of attention, but had to take it piece by piece to get comfortable." His college job enabled him to meet new people and socialize with others aside from his classmates and professors. Eventually, he says, he grew to love it and feel at ease around others.


• Act on your impulses. When Jeffrey had the urge to start a fraternity in college, he went ahead and did it. Dave did the same when he started a hockey team. "It was great because I had to deal with the school administration -- people I never even wanted to come in contact with," he says. "I became more distant from my shy self."


• Acknowledge your success and build on it. So maybe the class did laugh and smirk when you answered that question, but you can at least pat yourself on the back for taking the initiative. "There are a lot of setbacks, but you have to build on the success you have," Jeffrey says. "Ask yourself how you can get better at things, and look at how you can improve."

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