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Featuring Matthew Whelan, director of admission, St. John's University (Queens, NY)

Q: Sometimes I think my parents are too involved in helping me select a college. Is that possible?

A: Your question takes me back -- way back -- to the days when I was planning for college. Like you, I was grateful for my parents' support, but I also wondered how independent I should be in making my own choice. After all, I was the one going to college, wasn't I?

At the time, I was a little surprised when college admission officers not only expected, but encouraged my parents to be involved. Now that I have been able to counsel college-bound students like you, I realize more than ever how important it is to receive various levels of input from parents and guardians, as well as guidance counselors.

It's true that you are the one who has to make sure a college is the right fit for you. Do you like the atmosphere on campus? Are students, professors, and administrators friendly and helpful when you visit? Are the right variety of majors and extracurricular activities available? You're going to need to do a lot of legwork to find out for yourself. But you may find that your parents are vital to the process.

Obviously, for many college-bound students, parents or other guardians are a main source of financial support. But they may also offer something not immediately apparent to us as we struggle for our own sense of independence -- that is, the experiences that have shaped their own lives. Many parents and guardians of college-bound students have been through college themselves. Those who haven't may still have useful insight. Remember, those who support you can be your closest allies in this adventure.

A growing number of colleges and universities encourage parent to be involved in their children's college planning and admission process. Here at St. John's University, for example, our admissions office invites parents to accompany their children on regular tours of our campus and residence halls. We also invite parents to attend our Accepted Students Days, Honors Receptions, and even a special summer orientation just for parents of accepted students.

It's important, however, to ensure that not all of their preferences become your own. This is the fine line between involvement and over-involvement. Choosing a college is often a young person's first burst of real independence. As long as you're comfortable with your parents' input, the life experience and concern of parents or guardians can add much to your college planning. Best wishes for a wonderful college experience!

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